Dear World

*In no way is this piece meant to be taken literally. It's an extemporaneous attempt at expunging some dark thoughts that have been building over the past several months. Sometimes we must enter the darkest caverns in our hearts and explore their every nook and cranny as a means of personal catharsis. A peculiar means of healing: therapy, if you will.

Dear World,

I'm writing you this because my time is nearly up. Self-worth is down, self-depreciation at an all time high. I've tried to get my bearings to the point to where this would make rational sense....to someone. Anyone. Lately, I've lost sight of your appeal. Your pristine rivers, your fantastic vistas -- they no longer appease my once insatiable lust for beauty. The better part of my days are spent hoping, wishing that some ungodly celestial body will come careening into your tainted atmosphere, obliterating not only you but everything dwelling on your wretched surface. Yes, that would suit me just fine. It'd be a real kicker. Nice, swift and easy. Death from above.

I wish I could lie down, never to awaken. Fall into death's embrace, without prejudice....without detriment. Escape into a cold, isolated realm from which there is no escape, but also from which this physical hell no longer has any bearing. I want to be taken into a pit of self-despair so deep, none could ever hope to detach me from its barbarous grasps, lest they be taken into its unforgiving recesses, never to be heard from again. The faith that I held onto so staunchly ceases to exist, a whimper amidst a sea of resolute lethargy. I may be the sole cause of my sorrow; I'm well aware that this may be the case. Part of me wants to be saved from this torment, this purgatory of melancholic listlessness....another wants oblivion. Obliteration. Sweet oblivion.

Most of all....I want greatly to be understood. To be able to converse with another and feel genuinely connected to them, not as though they're being courteous to me so as not to insult or "hurt my feelings". Honest, genuine connection. Understanding. I think that we, as humans, are deserving of basic understanding by others. To maintain a relevance that is rarely afforded to those with little to offer -- that's my wish. Instead of a cold stare, a dismissive glance: camaraderie. I pine for a unity amongst man that hasn't been seen since the days of tribalism. We needed one another because if we did not afford another the time of day, it could very well mean our undoing. Survival. Maslow's "Hierarchy of Needs" alludes to this. He understood the desire, the LUST for acceptance. To be someone. To MEAN SOMETHING.

I no longer mean anything. To anyone, to anything. Most of all to myself. Into your arcane recesses I descend. I have my reservations....I realize that, most likely, I won't be coming back from this journey. Maybe that's payment to fate, unforgiving and without condolence. Life has taken its toll, for it has surely broken this soul. Until the next one?